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怎麼看出你是在學校上班?

JEFF FOXWORTHY'S TAKE ON TEACHERS
 

YOU might be a school employee if....

 
...you believe the playground should be equipped with Ritalin salt lick
(你覺得學校操場應該要有Ritalin鹽, Ritalin主要是過動兒ADHD吃的藥)
=>我說:  哪來那麼多體力ㄚ???


...you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off
(你想巴會說, "每天上班時間8:30~3:30跟放暑假還不錯嘛~" 的那一個人)
=>我說:  就是因為每天遇到那些學生才須要早下班跟放暑假!!! 


...it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is utered
(為你自己的小孩命名是件困難的事因為沒有任何名字是你說了後不會引起高血壓)
=>我說:  有同感...


...you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside
(你可以不用看外面就知道是不是滿月, 或是會不會下雨, 下雪, 下冰雹... 等)
=>我說:  我還沒練到這一項就不教了.

 
...you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card
(你覺得成績單上應該也要有"淺遺傳因子")
=>我說:  當你看到某些學生, 很多OS都會跟著跑出來...

 
...you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
(你相信如果有人說: "小朋友們今天還滿乖的嘛~" 其實是很糟的事會發生)
=>我說:  俗語說的好, 事有兮竅(<-中文的不太行), 其中必有詐.
 

...when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
(當你在外面, 你會想叫不認識的小朋友們乖一點並改他們的行為)
=>我說:  只有"想"沒什麼, 我真的做過好嗎???


...you have no social life between August and June
(八月到六月你沒有社交活動)
=>我說:  有得睡就該偷笑了, 還想出去玩咧...

 
...you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce (*AMEN!*)
(你覺得人該要有生小孩執照)
=>我說:  光是開車就要考駕照來看你會不會傷害無辜的路人了, 生小孩這種大事...

 
...you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce
(你會想有些人怎麼會生咧???)
=>我說:  就是ㄚ, 自己都照顧不好了, 怎麼還生一堆出來ㄚ???  (請看上一條)

 
...you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
(你瘋狂的大笑當有人說休息室是 "lounge")
=>我說:  就是咩, 又沒酒喝...


...you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or
home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they
decide to move out of district
(你建議很盧的父母親去辦轉學或是在家學習, 如果他們想搬離這學區還願意送搬家箱子)
=>我說:  哈哈哈~~~  順便請人幫你搬比較快啦~~~

 
...you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form
(你覺得咖啡因應該要可直接打針)
=>我說:  如果真的有的話.....

 
...you can't imaging how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public

 
...meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
(當你遇到家長馬上解出你原本的疑問, "為什麼這小孩會這樣咧?")
=>我說:  很少歹竹出好筍啦~~~  小孩都是看父母學來的啦!!!

 
...you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference
(你寧願做乳房檢查也不願去跟家長一對一)
=>我說:  請直接看上一條.

 
...you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!!
(你覺得有人應該發明無菌鉛筆跟蠟筆, 乾脆連桌椅也一起好了!)
=>我說:  不乾不淨吃了沒病, 但我會生病!!!

 
...the words "I have college debt for this?" has ever come out of your mouth
(你曾說過, "我為這些背一堆大學學費債務?")
=>我說:  也曾聽過很多人說過.
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