YOU might be a school employee if....
...you believe the playground should be equipped with Ritalin salt lick
...you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off
(你想巴會說, "每天上班時間8:30~3:30跟放暑假還不錯嘛~" 的那一個人)
...it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is utered
...you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside
(你可以不用看外面就知道是不是滿月, 或是會不會下雨, 下雪, 下冰雹... 等)
...you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card
=>我說: 當你看到某些學生, 很多OS都會跟著跑出來...
...you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
(你相信如果有人說: "小朋友們今天還滿乖的嘛~" 其實是很糟的事會發生)
=>我說: 俗語說的好, 事有兮竅(<-中文的不太行), 其中必有詐.
...when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
=>我說: 只有"想"沒什麼, 我真的做過好嗎???
...you have no social life between August and June
=>我說: 有得睡就該偷笑了, 還想出去玩咧...
...you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce (*AMEN!*)
=>我說: 光是開車就要考駕照來看你會不會傷害無辜的路人了, 生小孩這種大事...
...you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce
=>我說: 就是ㄚ, 自己都照顧不好了, 怎麼還生一堆出來ㄚ??? (請看上一條)
...you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
=>我說: 就是咩, 又沒酒喝...
...you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or
home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they
decide to move out of district
=>我說: 哈哈哈~~~ 順便請人幫你搬比較快啦~~~
...you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form
...you can't imaging how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public
...meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
=>我說: 很少歹竹出好筍啦~~~ 小孩都是看父母學來的啦!!!
...you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference
...you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!!
=>我說: 不乾不淨吃了沒病, 但我會生病!!!
...the words "I have college debt for this?" has ever come out of your mouth